Dates

It is funny that I will ever address anything on dates. The truth is that 2 years ago, I was very adverse to the word "date". Perhaps more than adverse, I was very specific when I used the word date. I would only date when I felt ready for marriage and anything falling short of a clear indication towards marriage would not be considered as a date. I also believed in dating one person which would lead to marriage. I thought that by doing so, I would have spent much more resources focusing on God. Not only that, I would also have kept myself emotionally and physically pure for my future husband. Also, I have heard of many christian and godly ladies waiting till they met “the one”. I read many of these testimonies from godly christian books on marriage and dating. Surely, this is Godly and God would grant it right? Well at least that is what I thought.

I thank God for being exceptionally patient and kind towards me when I explored relationships and dating more. However, it is learnt with much tears, frustrations, hurt and anger on my end. While I was on a journey to be emotionally and physically pure till the day I got married, God allowed me to realise it can’t be done without Him. I was weak and very human in the way I approach relationships. Although in theory, I told myself to not give in emotionally, I couldn’t do so the more I talked to someone and I increasingly became emotionally dependent on whom I spoke to. Even physically, I realised I could draw the line in my head but when I am met with reality, I was very much weaker than I thought I was.

In the recent years, God was gracious and allowed me to learn of how unhealthy my views of dating were by allowing me to see the devastating effects of it to a small extent, by His grace. One unhealthy view that God helped to discard was the view of dating only one person towards marriage. On hindsight, I feel sorry for the guy that I dated while I held that view. Can you imagine the pressure this guy had while dating me? He was not given a chance to say no, to bring in doubts or questions about our relationship or to explore anything deeper if it is not going to head towards marriage. Basically, I needed him to have his game together even before he knew much about me. Needless to say, the date and the relationship with the guy did not work out very well because I chose to be closed off to him when I realised he really was not ready for marriage then. I realised my close-mindedness really deterred me from giving any possibly good guy a chance.

I realised that dating is an exploration phase where you discover more about the other party and it is completely fine that in the middle of it, one party decides that this is not the path or journey that he/she think God is leading them to. I am by no means a guru in dating but what I can say about it is that it is really not harmful and it is okay to give it a try. I wished someone told me this earlier and helped me see this in a different light. Recently, I went for a few dates with really good christian guys and though it did not develop into anything deeper, it helped me realise that there are some things important to me that I’ll love to see in the other person and this had helped me understand myself better too. It also gave me greater conviction that there are honestly some great christian guys out there. There is really no harm or loss if God does give you the opportunity to date, only that we may do so in wisdom and love. However, I do caution against casually dating because that is indeed unloving.

To quote my best friend who recently gave me a word of advice after my most recent date, “Every experience prepares you for the next and the next till you are ready for the right one when he comes along”. I might have to go on several more dates with different guys to finally be able to meet someone whom I'll love to journey life with and embark on God’s mission together. In the mean time, I won’t sweat it and enjoy the dates God gives till He allows me to identify the best in His sight and may all that is done be governed by love!

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” - 1 Peter 4:8