I feel terrible and I don't even know why. I meet people, I do my work and I help when I can. However, with every single thing that I do, negative thoughts are thrown into my mind and I just feel so terrible. The lies keep coming in and I feel worse and worse about myself. After going through a struggle with my project mate, I thought that I must be incapable intellectually. In not being able to control my emotions, I felt so immature. And when I need someone to talk to, I felt like my relationship with God must not be strong enough. When I do not feel comfortable with some people, I feel like I have a personality deficit or that something must have be wrong with me. Also, in everything that I do I begin to feel very demoralized.
The worst thing that happen to me in the past few days is that I found myself not wanting to read the bible as much as before, perhaps due to procrastination or laziness. And even if I do, I do not know what goes into my head.
Well, this is spiritual warfare. While I am not fighting anything physically, I am fighting every thought mentally. It is happening and it happens to me everyday. Some days, I battle it well but some days it hit me bad. It hit me especially hard these few days and I fear that I may not be able to get a grip on myself.
Today, I searched for an answer to what God has to say about it as I do not want to feel so terrible anymore and as I searched, God brought me to a few verses and I want to share it with you. Also, I will love to share with you some thoughts that were going through my mind on the verses in the Bible.
I know that when I am struggling to be strong in the Lord and his mighty power when reading Ephesians but what power is this exactly? And amazingly, this is addressed in the first part of Ephesians.Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.-Ephesians 6:10-12
That power is the same as the mighty strength he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also in the one to come.-Ephesians 1:19b-21
There is so much encouragement that the power is the same power that raised Jesus from the dead, the power that conquered death. Because it is not just any power but a power so immense and great! And this power does not have an expiry date. "Not only in the present age but also in the one to come." Wow!
The verses in Ephesians does not say that God will free me from my spiritual warfare. Instead, it acknowledged the devil's evil schemes. In Ephesians 6:12, the original Greek word that was used for struggle is "Pale". Pale means wresting and in a wrestling match, the way to win is to be pinned down by the opponent for 10 seconds. Similarly, that is what the devil wants to do to us. The devil wants to take me and pin me to the ground and he continues to do so by challenging my beliefs and my principles without directly hurting me.
Well, I don't want the devil to win. So, what can I do to pin the devil down then? I found it in verse 11: "Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes."
What is the full armor? And again, I found that the full armor is explained in Ephesians.
Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.-Ephesians 6:14-18a
So God showed me His answers in the bible. I can put the devil and his lies down but only so because I have the Full Armor of God. I knew I was hurt because I did not have the full armor of God the past few days.
And you know what is so amazing about Easter and the day Jesus resurrected? It is the fact that I have already won Satan because Jesus defeated Satan at the cross. It is simply amazing that we celebrated Christ' resurrection on Sunday, just yesterday.
Well, I guess there is no reason to fear now. :) As I prepare to put on my full armor of God, I can now say I can and will be able to stand firm.I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.-Galatians 2:20
Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm.
-Ephesians 6:13
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