Sharing Vulnerabilities

I am on my 26th post. And I will reveal to you something that may shock you. I still need courage to write this post.

Some of you might have known that I began blogging with the intention to share my passion and interests such as traveling and baking. However, I feel that God has been placing in me the desire to do something more than writing based on my interests and I knew that I wanted to encourage and inspire others with what I write. But that also means to be vulnerable and to go out of my 'comfort zone'.

As a result, I find myself needing to challenge myself when I type a new post especially when it is something that is closer to my heart. That's because I know I am revealing something more about myself and I do no not know how anyone would react to me after finding out something more about who I am. I fear people will think that I am too immature, too arrogant or too ungrateful. Sometimes, my fears are unfounded but I cannot help fearing every time.

That is the reason why many of my more personal posts are not shared as publicly but within a few close-knitted groups.

But God is amazing every single time. Recently, some have come to me to tell me that they were thankful that I wrote what I wrote because they can identify with me or they were encouraged by it. And because I know that even one more person will be more encouraged and find hope by what I share, I find myself more willing to pick up this courage every time.

You see, as much as I look confident on the outside, I do have my fears that are untold. I am still facing a giant - fear.

You know how people would say "know your enemy" before competing with another team? Many a time, if you know your enemies' weakness, you would have the edge over them. I want to have an edge over my fear and I did not want my "enemy" to affect and hinder my purpose for writing.

So what does fear do? It does nothing. They are what goes on in our heads. They are "could bes" and "would happen" scenarios but they are not real. And this is why it is dangerous to react on our fears - because you react and define your current circumstance based on things or beliefs that are not real. All these fears act as great hindrances to serving the Lord and to everything that we do.

And it is really interesting how my best friend's testimony came at such a timely time. She has been a great great inspiration especially when I was on exchange, when I knew she had contradicted an illness called Lupus. Her positive attitude and her optimism in her illness really inspired me. What encouraged me the most was how she built up courage to share such a large and sensitive part of her life with many others to encourage them even though she feared initially and still fearing when she posted it.

There are people who dash into the field of the enemy named 'Fear' and took on 'Fear' upfront and headstrong and managed to be great testimonies to God. Today, I have made the decision to battle 'Fear' up close but not by myself but with the armor of God.

“Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you to deliver you, declares the Lord.” 

- Jeremiah 1:8